Saturday, March 19, 2011

Big mistake. Big. Huge.



The majority of my life I have felt like Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman". The tall, lanky, innapropriate, awkward one looked down upon by certain people I admire or have a high regard for.

Certain people of stature, as far back as in the playground to as recent as in the office or in the blogosphere.

Not given the time of day, nor the courtesy of kindness, because I didn't fit into the mould of what was an already established clique or ideal of acceptance.

I'm not going to lie to you, it becomes quite soul crushing after a while and the theme of my existence often takes on a premise of vendetta .


My journey becomes clouded.                                                                              
As though I have a point to prove.
Perhaps to prove that I am worthy.
That I am good enough.
That I belong.
That I have a right to be here.
That I am just like you.
Although I am beginning to realise what a load of shit it all is.
On one hand I have this theory that I do things for myself - for my own benefit, my own self esteem, my own happiness.
Truth of the matter is, deep down I know very well that at the end of the day, I yearn for acknowledgment off the very people who have snubbed me and made me feel less than.
I ask myself why.
Why do I fucking care so much?
What is with this insatiable desire to fit in?
To be accepted ?
Will it make me a happier person?
Complete me?
In my day, a thousand round about compliments can count for nothing, as often the silence resonating from a specific direction will speak far louder than words ever could.
I am disappointed with myself.
I feel as though I am wasting my life trying to prove a point to those who, at the end of the day - let's face it, don't actually give a shit.
Will it make me a better person to be granted this acceptance?
When all is said and done, do I necessarily want to fit in with those who either unwittingly or wittingly make me feel like shit?
Is that what I am really about?
Is this the example I want to lead for my children?
Cathartically, I have just come to the realisation that the answer is in fact, no.
I am now free.
Free to just be myself without chasing the acceptance of others to feel worthy of this life.
That is the power of parenting.
When you begin to evaluate situations as "lessons I may be unknowingly teaching my children", you begin to look at your own attitudes differently.
I don't want my children to be plagued with the same insecurities that I have.
I want more for them.
They deserve more.
It would absolutely crush me to see my little people struggling to fit into a mould that doesn't do their personality justice because they feel the desire to "belong".
I would love for them to confidently rejoice in who they are, and understand that they are valuable members of society, who do not need the validation of others to feel worthy.
People are fickle.
That's just life.
I don't want that to compromise their self worth as it has compromised mine.
I want to bestow upon them the gift of confidence.
As, it is truly a gift.
Confidence in one's self does not come naturally.
I want their accomplishments to be a celebration of their achievements, without being tainted by the need for validation.
I don't wish their happiness to depend upon it.
I want their happiness to come from within.
From a sense of self-respect.

Shop Assistant: "Hello, can I help you?"
Vivian: " I was in here yesterday, you wouldn't wait on me."
Shop Assistant: "Oh"
Vivian: "You people work on commission, right?"
Shop Assistant: "Yeah"
Vivian: "Big mistake. Big. Huge."


For me, I am no longer searching for my "Pretty Woman" moment, where I make those who have snubbed me, regretful.
As I no longer wish to experience regret for time wasted on such an invaluable obsession.
It is time to forget those who do not wish me well, and rejoice in the ones who in fact do.
Today, I have been reborn.
To live my life in any other way would in fact be a big mistake. Big. Huge.



 

43 comments:

  1. Love it and incredibly reflective of my own recent thoughts. I know it doesn't matter now, but from what I've read on your blog, I think you are fabulous!

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  2. Kindred spirits you and I~!


    Hugs
    xxx

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  3. Great reflective I think more people should come to this realization! :) I have learn that those that I want to be friends with that just look down on me are just a waste of my time and I now don't talk to them anymore! :)

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  4. I went through this whole scenario when I went through my divorce. I am to the point to where I really don't care what others think of me. I am who I am and if they don't like it, they are not worth my time.

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  5. Wow. I spent this whole weekend feeling a lot overwhelmed and a little bit not good enough. Thankyou for putting this out there. I spent time feeling anxious about approaching people, especially those who were already inwhat seemed to be very established groups. We spoke briefly in one of the tea breaks and I wish i had spent more time to connect with people. Sea of faces at times way too scary. Anyway I will be here reading and hope to hear more about you that way for now xx

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  6. I love your post! At 45 I'm no longer concerned what others think, most days. I too don't want to pass on my own insecurties to my children. I've spent enough money on therapy to buy a small house and I know I'm far from the girl who was afraid to talk, but every now and then a little unease escapes. The differnce is I don't let it stop me. Thanks again, I always love to read you!

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  7. I found you via HWT...By the way, I loved Mili n vanili (or however you spell it!!). I love this post...you could have taken it right out of my head. I don't fit in a lot...but want to, try to, but don't. Cliques still very much exist in adulthood....and I hate it. But your post....your post I love!!

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  8. I came to this realisation about 2 years ago and let me tell you, life is so much easier since! Loved meeting you xx

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  9. Most of us have a secret yearning to fit in and be accepted - yes, even the rebels.

    Which is probably why I loathe cliques and believe friendship is similar to throwing a pebble in a pond. Chuck it in and watche the ripples expeand bigger and bigger. The more you share friends the bigger your own group of friends grows.

    Okay friend? :-)

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  10. we all come to this realisation eventually. For some like myself, it took the little one to make me see it.

    Cheers A
    Raising Amelie- Chess

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  11. So true. I also had my a-ha moment a few years ago and feel so much better because of it. Of course those moments still do push themselves back into the forefront of my mind - until I force them back down again. x

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  12. Well, whatever has happened, or who has caused you to feel this way, I just wanted to let you know that I always get excited to read your posts! You are intelligent, insightful, hilarious and very talented!
    You go girl! I think you are fabulous!

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  13. I stopped giving a shit about what other people think a long time ago and I have never been happier!!

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  14. Have you been reading my diary??? Seriously, that's me to a T -- except for the acceptance part, I'm still working on that.
    Fab post ONCE AGAIN, girl.

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  15. I have to agree with all the others. Maybe there's something in the water this week. My blog was booming 2 weeks ago, then this last week...almost NO comments AND I lost a follower (gasp!) I've been fearing that everyone really has finally seen right through me and they've discovered that there really is no substance there. Tell me how it is that you stopped caring what others think...I'd love to know.

    PS In case it needs to be said (which I know you've grown emotionally now, so it probably doesn't), I think you're intelligent, witty, stimulating and a great read.

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  16. Such an awesome post. I am reading it and going "yes! I feel that way!" at each point.
    Just this morning, I decided that the people I know and love, whom do not respect me, are not going to respect me until I am who they think I should be. Since that is not whom I think I should be, I decided to smilingly just accept their attitude and not let it keep bringing me into that sad, sorry, worthless feeling place.
    I am so glad you are free. :-D
    I want to hug you. For writing this. For writing it today.
    Thank you.

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  17. I use to care what others thought but as I get older not so much now- we are all unique and should accept people for who they are. Hope you are enjoying your weekend! :)

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  18. Wow, you just laid out my superpower in a blog.

    [Conversation with my 6yo while waxing my facial hair.]
    6yo: Mum, why are you doing that?
    Me: So people don't think I'm a man.
    6yo: Does it matter if they think you're a man?
    Me: [Thank God I had the prescence of mind to give this answer] No!

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  19. So well said Romina. I really need to start thinking like this too. I care too much about the opinions of people I shouldn't care about. I stress about it. And far too much.
    Thanks for the kick up the bum. I was meant to read this!! :)

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  20. Oh, I am very much in touch with this emotion. Thank you for sharing, it is truly heartening to know that the same insecurities that plague me, also belong to a blogger that I look up to.

    I had this moment ages ago but still sometimes fall into the trap of caring about other peoples opinions, & fearing cliques. This is the song I sing to myself loudly, during such moments :-)
    Loudly. Especially the lines 'Don't let yourself down. Fuck the whole world & what everyobody says HEY'
    xx
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldBhDmvWFXE

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  21. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Look forward, not backward and believe always! Every new day gives us the opportunity to start a fresh, to set new goals and to make new choices for our lives. Always be prepared, always be yourself, and always be honest. That is a good recipe for self respect, self love and self worth, the greatest traits to instill in ones children . Don't let people know you are down because some people like seeing you fall. The way to happiness - Believe in yourself, Love others, Reach for your dreams, always think positively & keep your head high . There is nothing worse than pretending to be something you're not. You're not supposed to be perfect. You are supposed to be YOU... nothing more, nothing less. The highest courage is to dare to be yourself in the face of adversity. Choose right over wrong, ethic over convenience, and truth over popularity, don't live your life trying to earn the approval of others, the only approval you need is your own . Happiness come's from within ; I have learnt if you are waiting for someone else to make you happy. You will be waiting forever... you are a beautiful person and a talented writer!

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  22. Good for you! I am a fat git, but that's another story!

    Paul
    http://fromsheeptoalligators.blogspot.com/

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  23. Good for you! I think it's a lesson that takes a long time to learn, for girls especially. We spend so much of our lives trying to wear the right clothes, the right hair, the right make-up and the soul sucking excursion to high school doesn't help at all.

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  24. Excellent, I have been on this same journey too. I am so glad you have come to the decision to stop wasting your thoughts on those sad people who feel good by looking down on others.

    Mich x

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  25. Brilliant. I, like many it seems, totally get this post. I'm going to print it out and stick it, not to the foreheads of the people who make me feel like this sometimes, but to my fridge....... actually maybe it's not THEM that make me feel like that, but ME! Gasp..... Am off to give myself a big talking to...

    Thanks.

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  26. I used to feel like that until one day I read the qoute 'no one can make you feel inferior without your consent' and I started wondering why I was letting people make me feel like I wasn't worth anything. It awhile to fully coming around from that, but now I'm happy with myself.

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  27. Love the post and love Pretty Woman too.
    I gave up caring what people thought about me a long time ago, and I must tell you - it feels great.

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  28. I too gave up caring what people thought of me. But it took a toll on me and lots of years. Wish I had learned it earlier. I love your blog and have joined. I look forward to reading future posts.
    Regards, Mari
    http://mariscamera.blogspot.com

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  29. I was in my late 30's before I realized I had to only please myself. I hardly choke now when in tough group situations. You go girl....

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  30. Ah, it's so much better to fuck off shitty people and their shitty, negative attitudes and just stick to your happiness and being you.

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  31. You let go; just when you let it out ;-)
    Done!
    It's all good now :-)

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  32. What can i say, as a man with a childhood that led to low self esteem and confidence i struggle with all my soul to raise my kids the opposite to my own. So far seems to work as their levels of self esteem are vastly higher than mine already. Splendid touching post.

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  33. Great post!
    When people treat me like that, I just tell myself that they're threatened by me, or jealous. Takes the sting away :)

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  34. There are still days where I feel like I have to get approval from everyone - or that people are judging me so I do my best to be what they want... But Slowly but surely I am breaking out of that shell!
    thanks for the follow...im following you back!
    http://misavingsmama.com

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  35. Oh my goodness, this was an incredible post. You freaking rocked this post. Girl, you so belong. And anybody who thinks otherwise is an idiot. Your blog is one of my faves.

    Russo @ www.threegnomes.blogspot.com

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  36. I wished I read this when I got home Saturday night. I could feel this post brewing in you all day. You said it very eloquently.
    You are gorgeous. And leopard print never looked so good as on a 2nd trimester. Thanks for being my lunch buddy
    xxxx

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  37. whoa... i could have written this. you're right about it being a load of shit! scata! dung! crapola! hogwash! horse feathers!

    but it sure doesn't seem like it at the time.

    keep um coming, girl.

    Keri

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  38. I am pretty sure that everyone feels this way.

    And those that exclude and bully even more so.

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  39. another great post Romina!

    I too have felt this "Pretty Woman" shame and learnt a long time ago that I am a much bigger person than those supposedly "above me" are. I have character and soul. They all tend to be very cold heartless people and I haven't be associated with them or "look for their approval" for a very long time now.

    KUDOS to you!

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  40. Hey this is a great post and I know what you are talking about. You know no matter what people think of us we are all special. I am following you now.

    JTwisdom
    http://bubblingwitheleganceandgrace.com

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  41. I like your blog.It is very interesting.

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  42. Just found this from Frogspondrock - LOVE IT! I am liberating myself as we speak of others expectations. Its been like a noose around my neck for far too long.

    You rock, your writing rocks and by God you have the most gorgeous family! As you were x

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